I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Randomize
