i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
