so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Randomize
