At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
