Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
