I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
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