so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
