I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
