Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
