i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
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