I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
