she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
This is my gift to your gina
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
