He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
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I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
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If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
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