I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
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