Whatcha textin bout Willis?
and you said cock pushups were impossible
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
