tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
