The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Randomize
