Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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