so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Your shirt... Was in my pants
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
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