Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Randomize
