brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
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