Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
