I can't watch pbs sober anymore
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Randomize
