I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
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