whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
don't judge my taste in strippers
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
