i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
