So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
my penis made a compromise with my morals
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
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