I skipped work to stalk him.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
