she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
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