he shaved USA in his pubs
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
