she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Randomize
