Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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