dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
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