She is in my trunk
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
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