What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
God, I missed his penis.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
