You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
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Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
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I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.