he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
It’s A Miracle These 21 Promiscuous People Don’t Have STDs
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
These 27 Infuriatingly Annoying Habits Will Ruin Your Day
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.