my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
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