11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
