It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Randomize
