the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
