Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
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Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
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you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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