so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Randomize
