Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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