At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Randomize
