just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
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