this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
