a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
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