I am midnight drunk by noon
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize
