o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
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