i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
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