I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
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