I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Randomize
