Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Randomize
