I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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