I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Randomize